I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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