I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
