I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
