does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
