I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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