How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
