i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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