Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
