if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
