I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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