They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
