Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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