Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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