Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
