: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Couch. On fire.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
