i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
