Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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