I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
