i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
