tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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