"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
