he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
