I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
