My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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