Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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