The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
