Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
