u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
