Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
