I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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