you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
