worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize