Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
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