I didn't shave. On purpose
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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