I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
