TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
