I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
