guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
