I cockslap morals
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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