So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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