my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
