woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
