And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
