I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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