It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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