It's Friday. Sex?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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