I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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