i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
