i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
