I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
