I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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