Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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