i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
operation harelip BJ is a go
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize