he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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