Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
