I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I don't think brook has ever known best
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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