fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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