I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
