I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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