Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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