dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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