Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
