This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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