there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
