Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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