My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think i have two assholes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
