Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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