he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
