i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize