Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
