dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was confusing and full of hummus
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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