forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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